You’ve joined a Chinese online dating site and are looking for a relationship. Here’s how to make it work for you.



Screen shot 2013-05-31 at 7.44.58 PMDo you feel a little lost in the crowd? You’re not alone. Online dating is becoming more and more popular, which means there are more sites than ever to please a crowded marketplace. Niche dating sites for people looking for specific types are becoming more common, such as Chinese online dating sites.


So what do you do to stand out from the thousands of others who have joined a Chinese online dating site? The prospects might seem daunting, but it’s easier than you think. It just requires a little effort and consideration, which you need in dating regardless.


Following are some things to consider when you begin online dating:


Know what kind of relationship you want. It’s important to know and communicate what you’re looking for. There are plenty of dating sites out there, which range from the standard sites like eHarmony’s Chinese Dating to the more casual Chinese FriendFinder, to “dating” sites which are more like marriage shopping sites for those wanting Asian brides. Be careful about which ones you choose to join, and let your dates know the type of relationship you are looking for so there won’t be any confusion.


Consider family. Although China covers a large geography with many different languages, cultures, and ethnicities, there are some commonalities that Chinese men and women share. In fact, that most Asian cultures share. One important part of Chinese culture is family. If family is important and influential to you, you will understand its importance to the Chinese men and women you will date. Most respect their elders and are influenced by their parents, who might put expectations on them, including who they should date. Make sure you’re comfortable with the fact that your date might not want to introduce you to her family until you are serious. And if she does, then respect her parents and their opinions even if they are different from yours.


Get to know her. Again, not all Chinese men and women share the same culture, language, or traditions. Some Chinese men and women are very progressive and shun traditional dating. Others might be very guarded and want relationships to progress slowly. Some are shy while others are outgoing. It’s important to not make assumptions when you start reaching out to people on your Chinese dating site. Get to know them individually – including their interests, career, personal style, and also any traditions they might share.


Understand Chinese culture. If your date speaks a Chinese language or is adherent to celebrations or likes a particular style of food, then it’s important to get to know her culture. Even if you are also Chinese but from another region. Sharing your backgrounds and cultural experiences with one another makes for a richer relationship in the future.


Be respectful. Don’t start your emails with “hey sexy” or other forms of a pick-up line (no matter who you’re dating). It’s important not to be flaky, which means arriving on time to your date and also emailing or texting her back in a timely manner. Treat her with respect and you’ll get more responses.


Happy dating!


Pretty Chinese girlThere is always something alluring and exotic about women from another culture.  Since Asia has a particularly mysterious and withdrawn culture, Chinese women draw a lot of attention to themselves, without even knowing.  Men love a mysterious woman and Chinese women generally offer this type of shadow, avoiding eye contact, being short with their answers and it almost seems like they are blowing their potential date off.  She may be bursting inside because of her attraction to you, but most likely as an American, you would never be able to tell.  Why? Cultural differences.

Cultural differences often make or break relationships and they always offer a unique twist in the relationship.  Everything you thought about dating, all of the rules and ways to act, simply go out the window and you are left at zero.  If this girl is worth it, you will have to go high and low, through thick and thin waters just to even have a chance of being with her.  If you don’t want to go through the effort, start looking somewhere else.  But if you are willing to put in the effort to be with a Chinese woman, here are 5 tips and tricks to win her over.

    1. Brush up on your cultural relations with China.  If you want to impress your date on your first date, it is good to know a few things about the Chinese culture.  Even if you are not looking to impress her in that way, you certainly do not want to offend her.  Make sure you know a few things about Chinese traditions and culture.  This is particularly useful if the woman that you are approaching only knows a little bit of English.To connect with people, we normally use our words.  But if your potential date doesn’t know a lot of English,  then it is imperative to use body language.  Here’s the catch.  Body language in every culture is different.  If you are not well versed in what is correct body language for the Chinese, your date may be misled or even worse, insulted.


  • Communication is the key to success in every relationship.  With a cross cultural relationship, it can be difficult to express exactly what you want to say.  Plus, because of the delicate situation, you shouldn’t be playing games or hard to get.  You don’t want those games to cause the ruin of what could turn out to be a spectacular relationship.  If your date does speak English, then make sure you tell her how you feel clearly.  Tell her that you are having a great time, that she is pretty and that you would like to see her again.  Remember, you can always take a dictionary with you if you get stuck.  It might seem a little lame but it can prove to be very engaging and comical for the both of you.  Even in the worst case scenario, at least you can look back and laugh at the time you took a dictionary to your date.


  • The Chinese culture is very strict.  If you want to impress a Chinese woman, it is crucial that you do it on your first date.  The Chinese care about presence and respect.  If you prove to show even a little bit of disrespect, then it can be a major turn off.  Make sure that you speak correctly and are presentable.  Don’t speak about your problems with your family as the family is one of the most precious treasures that a Chinese woman has.  If she knows that you do not get along with your family or that you are disrespecting them in anyway, you can be assured that there will not be a second date.


  • One of the most useful tips and tricks for dating a Chinese girl is to forget everything you know about dating.  The typical American approach of dinner, a movie and good night kiss is way too much pressure for a Chinese girl that you don’t know.  Keep it simple.  Try going out on mini dates, before working up to the real thing. Win her heart over by sitting with her over a cup of coffee one afternoon.  Even when it comes to your first official date, don’t go over the top.  Create a relaxing environment without any of your typical dating expectations.  Once she knows that there isn’t any pressure, she will feel free to open up and allow you to actually get to know her better.  Sometimes, it takes a little while for a girl to feel comfortable on a date.


  • You always need to impress a Chinese woman. Mainly because Chinese women have a lot of admirers.  If you fall into the normal take me out guys, then there won’t be anything special and desired from you.  Keep her on her toes, by playful and maybe a bit mischievous without going overboard.  Chinese women also admire honesty in a man.  Men who take responsibility for their actions and that can be truthful are incredibly admirable actions.  Don’t be embarrassed and let her know the truth.


Dating Chinese women can be difficult but it is not impossible.  You should always show them a lot of courtesy and respect while out with them, as you would with any other woman, despite her origins.  You should also remember that woman of all sorts love to be listened to.  They want to know that you are interested in them for more than just a physical interaction.  They want to know that they are appreciated for their mind as well as for their beauty.

The Chinese come from a culturally rich lifestyle which may take a little time to get used to.  Take the time to observe different cultural interactions that you may have with Chinese woman and take your best approach.  Don’t come on too strong, but also don’t feel rejected because she doesn’t immediately return the gesture.  It may take a few tries before she even considers going out with you.  Once she does, it is up to you to impress her to keep the relationship moving.  Once you do, she will open you up to her world.  For your best bet, stick close to these top 5 tips and tricks to win over Chinese women.

A happy Chinese -  American couple. While many Americans don’t think twice about dating someone who is a member of another race, there  are usually a number of big differences in the rules of etiquette when it comes to dating someone from outside your race that are important to become familiar with before making a decision to ask that person out on a date, especially when it comes to Chinese-American dating.

Before putting yourself in a potentially embarrassing situation, take the time to review these important rules of etiquette for Chinese-American dating.

Playing the field


If you plan on dating more than one woman at a time, or consider yourself a “player,” you might want to stick to dating a woman from the western world. In the Chinese culture, casual dating is virtually unheard of.  While some members of the younger generation are starting to contemplate the idea, it is not widely acceptable.

Before asking a Chinese woman on a second or third date, make sure she is someone that you feel has strong potential for a serious relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.  On the other hand, if you are only seeking women for a series of sexual relationships, look elsewhere.



If you’ve yet to be formally introduced, don’t expect to meet a Chinese woman in the typical American fashion; staring, trying to catch her eye from across the room, or even smiling can be considered rude. If you ask a Chinese woman to dance, she’s likely to be insulted.  In the Chinese culture, many consider it rude just to look someone directly in the eye, cross your arms or legs, or have your hands in your pocket when you are speaking to them.

Of course, all Chinese women are not alike. If she smiles at you, it’s probably okay to ask for her cell number.

If you’ve decided you have to meet her, you’ll probably have to find someone who already knows her and is willing to introduce the two of you to each other. It’s often done through a group dinner, with six to eight people attending. The two parties who have expressed interest in each other will usually not be seated side by side, but will be separated by two or three other people allowing them to be close enough to have some communication but not close enough that they appear to be a couple.

If the Chinese woman agrees to go out on a formal date, she is essentially acknowledging that she considers that person to be a potential candidate for marriage.



Choose your words carefully


By telling a Chinese woman that you like her or you miss her, you are indicating you’re quite serious about her. Enduring words are not used casually in the Chinese culture.  By saying “I love you,” she will believe you will be asking for her hand in marriage in the near future.

Physical affection


Take cues from your date, but remember, most Chinese women are far more conservative than their American counterparts. Always be respectful and remember that in the Chinese culture talking about sex is considered very rude and vulgar. Sex education in China is virtually unheard of and many members of both sexes have difficulties broaching the subject.  It is rarely something discussed with the family at home either. Most women do not even begin dating until their education is finished.

On a first date, hand holding or hugging is something that is taboo for many Chinese women. If you aren’t willing to take the time and effort needed a build a solid relationship before going in for that first kiss, you probably don’t want to date a Chinese woman. If you’ve decided she’s worth it, be attentive, caring and cautious.



Attitudes of maintaining virginity until marriage are still prevalent in the Chinese culture. If you take a Chinese woman’s virginity you are giving her a very strong indication that the relationship is headed toward marriage. Consider having sex with a Chinese woman as a binding contract of your relationship.

Gift giving


While the value of the gift is not so important, a small gift that shows you are an attentive and caring person is polite and thoughtful. A simple long stemmed rose is an excellent and ideal romantic gift, unless, of course, you know that she prefer lilies instead.

Meeting the parents


Meeting the parents is probably the most difficult task you’ll have of all when it comes to dating a Chinese woman. Never agree to meet the parents if you aren’t seriously thinking of marriage.

While most Americans don’t hesitate to introduce their new boyfriend or girlfriend to mom and dad, regardless of the seriousness of the couple, in the Chinese culture it signifies a permanent relationship and can even be considered the equivalent of an engagement announcement.

If you are really ready to meet her parents, do bring a gift. In this case, the more valuable the better, but try to bring something that has special significance to them by asking your girlfriend what they like. At a minimum you could bring some high quality tea or a fruit basket.  Try to learn at least a few Chinese words beforehand, and remember that her parents are likely to be very cautious in the beginning. Don’t be offended if they don’t like you right away.

If you’ve come from out of town and they’ve invited you to spend the night, you’ll need to sleep in separate rooms until you’re formally engaged.

Manners are key – if her parents leave their shoes at the door, be sure to take yours off as well. Removing shoes is not something all Chinese families do, but it’s becoming a more common practice. When you greet them you’ll want to shake their hands and smile. A handshake should be done by using your two hands with one gripping their hand and the other one top. Be warm and friendly, but refrain from hugging.

At the dinner table


At the dinner table be sure to serve everyone else first, even if they tell you not to. Eat everything they give you but don’t drink too much alcohol. Always keep everyone’s tea cups full.

Answer her parents’ questions honestly and find a way to compliment your girlfriend for any of her talents or skills, which will honor them for doing a good job raising their daughter. Try to discover common interests and genuinely show you want to get to know them and be accepted into the family.

Always be very respectful of your girlfriend in front of her parents and do not kiss her in their presence. Be honest and sincere and show them that you plan to be a good spouse. If they don’t speak good English, have patience but be sure you aren’t talking down to them.

A good first impression is a must when it comes to your Chinese girlfriend’s parents. Express your gratitude for their hospitality and say goodbye politely. Most importantly, show her parents that the man their daughter is committing to will keep her safe and that you are a responsible and respectable man.

Woman wearing a cheongsam,Chinese classical dressWhat are the important cultural differences when dating Chinese Women? Some say that love transcends all. Although this may be the case, there is no better kryptonite for love than cultural differences. Every culture has their norms. The people who live within those societies understand those norms and act accordingly, especially while dating. Once two people cross cultures, the whole dating experience rapidly alters. Everything they thought they knew about relationships and being happy ends up being extremely difficult.

Crossing cultures while dating isn’t a dating deterrent. It is just another element that you need to be made aware of in order to have a successful relationship. Each culture is different and it is sometimes easier for certain cultures to get along rather than others. One of the most difficult barrier to cross for American men, is dating Chinese women. The cultures are radically different in most cases. Depending on the person and how they were raised, it can be quite challenging to date a Chinese woman.

We have gathered some tips to help ease this transition. The more you know about your partner’s culture, the more you can understand and process how they act or think. If you are just trying to get to know a Chinese woman with the intention of going out on a date, knowing these cultural differences will help you to evaluate where you are on the scale and whether you should proceed or not. You may feel overwhelmed with mixed signals, so let us help you to unlock a few of the mysteries of dating Chinese women.

The Chinese value their families greatly. They have a great connection to their entire family and work hard to stay together. There is also an element where children do everything they can to please their parents as being a disappointment is utter failure in the Chinese culture. In the West, we have lost touch with this family element, coming into an age where the individual trumps what the family thinks when it comes to dating.

Westerners generally have free will when it comes to dating whereas in the Chinese culture the most liberal case would be a Chinese woman receiving the go ahead from her family. In most other cases, Chinese women are not free to date and marry at will. In traditional Chinese families, the opinion of the parents generally wins the battle. If you want to be taken seriously and have her feel at ease, it is a must to please her parents and entire family which is not easy.

In order to please her family, there are some things that you can control and other factors are way out of your hands. Parents consider age as an element for choosing the right partner. Chinese parents prefer their daughters to date men who are generally older in order to protect their daughter financially. They presume that an older man will be stable economically as well as being mature. If you are the same age (or younger), you must prove that you can offer their daughter the comforts of life, have a stable lifestyle and will be there to protect her under any circumstances.

Along with demonstrating that you are a mature individual, it is also important that you show them that you are just as civilized as any Chinese man if you are of a different race. It may seem passé to think that anyone would have a problem with interracial dating/marriage, but you would be surprised. It is also extremely difficult for people of older generations to understand interracial dating because of how drastically the social norms for their society have changed since they were on the “dating scene”. If being in an interracial relationship sours the relationship between you and her parents, it is up to you to transcend those barriers with all of the perseverance and might that you have. It is difficult for parents to trust that this relationship will last. Although it is deemed to be racist, in their minds they are trying to look out for their daughter’s best interest. Show her parents that you are in her heart’s best interest and that you are there for the long term, not just a fling.

But besides the family structure, basically marrying the family, not just the person, there are also a lot of small cultural differences that may end up being big later on. Communication in any cultural is huge. Without communication, there isn’t a relationship. That is universal. When you are dealing with cross cultural dating, it is important to remember where your partner comes from. He or she may not speak the language perfectly, and even if they have quite a good grasp and are fluent, with an excellent vocabulary, it still does not mean that they know and understand every nuance. There are plenty of times where there is miscommunication because you automatically begin dating within your own culture, without remembering that you are dating someone from another.

Try to revel in the accomplishment of this person rather than scrutinizing them for misspeaking. Plus, if they are fluent in your language and you can barely order off of a menu, you should entirely reconsider the effort they have put in to understand you and your culture. Communication takes a lot more effort in cross cultural dating and you have to be dedicated to understanding this and being patient with the process. Certain subjects and themes just don’t cross cultures and your partner should not be held accountable for this.

Respecting your partner’s culture is huge. Understanding the dynamics of the Chinese social structure helps greatly when dating. You also have to observe a lot. Trying to date a Chinese woman is not universal. Chinese women born in the United States are different from Chinese women born in China. Also, a woman of a higher social status is easier to adopt social differences more than one from a lower income area. The best wayt o understand these differences is by going out and experimenting with them.

Some Chinese women just aren’t interested in interracial dating and you have to understand and respect that decision, regardless of how you feel. Other women might be hesitant. They don’t want to be seen as a bad girl in their society or like a gold digger. Some women are willing to date interracially but may become scared or ashamed if her family does not approve of the relationship. To say the least, there is a lot of pressure coming from both sides.

Above all, you have to respect the relationship that you are in and the culture where your partner comes from. It may be challenging to go on that first date, but as soon as you win her heart over with respect then you will be able to show her and her family the future that you can offer her.

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